Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
