Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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