so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
