Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
