The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
