hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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