But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
