this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
