when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
