bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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