This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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