bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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