Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
