Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize