I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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