We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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