How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
