I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
