someone threw a dead crab at me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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