the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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