i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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