how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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