I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
