So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
