You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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