meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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