apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
