You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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