My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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