OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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