the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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