maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
