you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
