"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
