): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
