Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
