Moan for me like Helen Keller
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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