He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
there is glitter all over my balls
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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