I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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