im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
