So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
