I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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