It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
