i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
