The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
