Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
