The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
