I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
