Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
