Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
