I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
