happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
