people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
