i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
