Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
