she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
