I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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