So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
