Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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