found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
