He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
