since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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