This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
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I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You are the jesus of drinking
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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