she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
