the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
