there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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