Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
