I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry about my life...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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