Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
