I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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