can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
