Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My penis needs a shock collar
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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