I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
