I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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