i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
