Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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