It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
