Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
