wrigley field is MILF paradise
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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