he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
