Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
