We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
