Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
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You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
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Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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