I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My bed smells like the plague
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
