drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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