Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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