so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
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You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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