Betty ford says i'm here all night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
